I Breathe Again at the Sea

She writes sporadic, insightful posts about life with J. (The initial is necessary to me. It’s a crazy world and I’m known by many; he needs a measure of anonymity. When one-arms-length-removed-acquaintances and strangers read something from me, they can survive with the anonymous initial. Friends know the story behind the single initial.) But back to her....she writes these deep-soul-observational posts that stewed for months often about the trials and joys of life with J. They come out in poetic ways that show the watching world hurt that hopes and our brokenness that’s becoming beautiful.

We’re away, she and I, that is; J and G are being cared for by the extended family. She and I are near the ocean in a favorite place of respite. We have a week to be still. We have 7 days to breathe. We have a bundle of hours to do anything, everything and nothing. We have no one to listen for, protect, support, defend...and that goes for both J and G and even folks that rely on me/us beyond the circular drive to all across the country.

I’m breathing deeper today. I tasted the cold saltwater as wave after wave crashed into and over me this afternoon. The off-season beach is fairly...well...empty. There’s a few people, the occasional sand crab, gulls throughout the day, and an endless vista of sand to wave to cloud filled sky. That’s why I’m breathing deeper today: the overcast sky that met the horizon of waves is vast, broad and endless. It’s The reminder I need. Not needed. Present active tense: Need. Continuously. I need to be reminded this story is not about me. It’s not about J or G or S or toss an “AND” in there and it’s still not about any of us.

Frustrations and schedules and momentary afflictions have a way of keeping my gaze on my navel, our situation, our lack-of-something-often-undefined, but not on the horizon. J and G and S have the same dilemma and they’re often central to my daily focus.

Then she and I get back to the ocean and I breathe it in again. I taste the cold salt water as a wave slaps me on the chin and gets water gurgling in my inner ear. I do this now-nearly-annual-exercise of physically dethroning myself, my situations, my expectations, my name, my reputation and my knots of concern...strike that...my straight-up-faithless-worry...and after tasting the saltwater...I begin to breathe again. God whispers in the wave.

Eldredge has a Daily Prayer in many of his writings with a line: “it’s all about you (Jesus), it’s not about me. You are the Hero of this story...”These days of annual seaside pilgrimage have been useful to remind me-it’s not about me at all.

Chapman also has that lyric:
“How could I stand here, watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness and the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
the point of it all
was to make much of me?”

J requires more than most could imagine.
G has his own fully healthy challenges.
S is marked by scars that tell an ongoing story.
And somewhere in the daily do-it-alls I take up a cape and think “I’ve got this”. Then it again gets hard to breathe. Somewhere in there I forget the ocean even exists with its tides and currents and waves and storms and life and debris.

Graciously, the fall returns and the auto draft of the remainder of the reservation hits the account 45 days ahead of our beach arrival. The countdown begins and then mercifully I’m back to seeing wave upon wave slide in alone and slide back to its whole. And I breathe again knowing who the Hero is and will be.

Help my unbelief.

https://youtu.be/2Lw5T2hbSlI

PSAs, emails, November 6, 2018 and beyond

PSAs, emails, November 6th and beyond

This morning I saw the new Leonardo DiCaprio/Brad Pitt video encouraging folks to vote in this critical election. And last night I received another “sky is falling” election related email. (By way of reminder, I’ve worked for National Write Your Congressman for 20 years, getting people involved in speaking to their elected officials in the cleanest, most direct, non-partisan way possible www.nwyc.com) Back to the video and email....I roll my eyes with every Facebook post, tweet, deeply emotional email or Leo PSA about the “dire consequences of this next election” because the truth is: every election matters. But no election is more important than any other.

“Wait, Joal, you can’t actually believe that, do you?!“

I do and here’s why: the moment we put our chips all in on one election, we’ve minimized some elections AND we stand a grand likelihood of losing faith in our system. And even if the chips and election go “our way” this time, it’s a very short-lived victory in the American form of government. The founding fathers were brilliant to limit the length of terms. So, “Your guy or gal“ won this election. Congratulations- that person has to run for that seat again in another two, four, or six years. Frankly, it’s not a lot of time to effect lasting change. They are simply a piece of the puzzle-process; not the solution. Add to all that the fact that Congress is turning over at a record pace in the past decade: 398 of the current 535 were not there the day before Barack Obama was first elected president. There’s no guarantee that your guy or gal is going to win their next election anyways. And that’s where the brilliance of our form of government comes in! It is on the People to be the agents of community-wide change, not just a sole reliance on politicians.

I keep hearing references to the power of “We the People” and the necessity of “using your voice” and it seems that it is ONLY referring to voting. Understand—Voting is only the first step of a long trajectory. Of course, you’re supposed to vote if you’re an American! Vote! But from there you must do more. You must communicate with those sitting in the seat that represents your district. Writing your Congressman, Senators, Governor, and Mayor....and then showing up at Townhall meetings to get face to face with them....and THEN the real commitment shows up: you engage in your community in any number of ways. If Environmental issues are your number one issue, quit squawking on social media and instead get busy minimizing your carbon footprint and actively increasing conservation and, and, and. If you find yourself on the Pro-Life side of the Abortion debate, slow the picketing and look to care for women in crisis and orphans in distress. If Welfare reform matters to you, there are food banks and shelters that need funds, staffing and leadership. And one more—if Education rings your bell, stop decrying the troubles with the system and start mentoring and tutoring, run for school board, join the PTA and, and, and.

Government “of, by and for the people” encompasses a LOT more than just the first Tuesday of November every other year. 

Succotash-October 2018

I had succotash last night.
It’s a real thing, not just a Looney Tunes catch phrase.
It’s a bowl-ed bed of corn, butter beans, snow peas, tomatoes and bacon with a fried chicken breast on top.
In-freakin-credible!
She ordered her standard shrimp n grits for probably the 5th trip here.
It’s the 2nd October meal of succotash in my lifetime. I had it for lunch one October day last year at the same restaurant, Acme Low Country Kitchen. (Again, no Looney Tunes joke coming—it’s really called Acme. Google it.) 

The Same meal,
At the Same restaurant,
With the Same companion and lover,
In the Same vacation spot (even the same condo structure, though different apartment),
During the same week of the calendar year as last year. 

Me and the Mrs talked about our now instantaneous ability to relax the moment we arrive simply because of the Same-ness. We know where everything we need or want is located, including Acme.

There’s something dawning on my inner man about the need for steadiness of life brought about with same-ness, which, even on vacation, could be thought of as a rooted-ness. There’s nothing wrong with adventure, exploration and new challenges. It’s just that those trips are not relaxing; they’re invigorating. When I go some place new, I feel like I’m missing out on all-there-is-to-see-and-do when I kick back to relax. I’ve got to go, go, go and see it all, do it all, sleep later. Example? Currently I’m making plans to visit/assist some missionary amigos next year in East Africa and I am completely ready to go to a place I’ve not yet seen! But, again, that falls under the Adventure category; Eyes wide open and charging ahead.

After another year of work criss-crossing the American expanse doing what I do for yet another strong year and after I wing it to the African Continent and after another round of holidays and birthdays and the 27th anniversary of she-is-mine, I’m looking forward to taking the same lady, to the same pile of sand during the same calendar season to look at the same menu long enough to see all the local brews and catches. I’ll wink at her, she’ll nod approvingly and she’ll order some version of shrimp n grits and I’ll order the same succotash, again. And I’ll probably not be able to finish that bowl full either. It’s seriously filling.

“I gave Hunk the first 1,400 miles” from November 2018

“I gave Hunk the first 1,400 miles”

We should probably start with “Hunk”.
It’s a who, not a what.
It was his lifelong nickname.
I knew him for the last 28 of his 85 years and 6 hours before he passed away, I finally learned the story of his nickname acquisition during childhood. For all things legal, he went by the initials H.O. But since he disliked his given names SO much, he identified by the nickname “Hunk” for roughly 82 years.

A man of unparalleled generosity.
A man of immediate action.
A man who faithfully loved a pretty girl for 48 years.
A man who was entrepreneurial, but able to work for the big boys.
A man who defended his country as a fighter pilot for parts of 4 decades.
A man who held unswervingly to the hope he professed. 

It was last weekend that a friend, who lives much nearer to Hunk, texted and said a serious heart attack with other complications had hit Hunk and it didn’t look good. My pretty girl and I talked and just felt like I should drop all work details on Wednesday and go see them. I set up a rental car for the 5+ hour drive, knowing the old Jeep wouldn’t be a wise choice and made plans to be there Wednesday evening.

But early Wednesday morning the rental car place called and told me they were out of cars.
So I called another place.
None.
Then the third and fourth calls proved that apparently rental cars had all vanished from East Texas.

For the past few weeks me and my pretty girl have been preparing to purchase the next car. Honestly, it was way past time.
I knew what we needed; I knew where to find it; I knew the money details. And, on Wednesday, I knew it was time.
I was GONNA see Hunk Wednesday.

So I bought the new car. The old Jeep went away (glory hallelujah!) and by a bit after noon, I was loaded and ready to roll the five and half hours east.

At 7pm I walked in the hospital and nearly shocked Hunk’s pretty girl and extended family. He was not able to engage; he wasn’t coherent by that point in time. His breathing was labored but they’d made him comfortable. I was SO glad to be in that room for a couple of hours swapping memories and just being close. Hunk passed about 6 hours after I left the hospital. I got the news as I was headed home Thursday morning. And I knew then I’d be headed right back to see them for the funeral.

It was a beautiful service. Hundreds of friends came to say goodbye, for now. I was in the visitation line and as I hugged his pretty girl, she wouldn’t let me go. It was clear she needed support. I gently sat her down on the nearby chair, got her some Sprite to sip and, at her request, stayed by her side for the rest of the visitation. She let me lead her to her seat for a funeral service of laughter, worship, joy and a clear call to live for Jesus as Hunk did. He was buried after a military bugler played “Taps” and the flag was tightly folded.

Saturday afternoon I made the 300+ mile journey home. Four days of driving to visit and then honor a godly man. He deserved the first 1,400 miles of the new Kia.

And if you’re wondering about the whole “pretty girl” thing—it’s from a song lyric by Ben Rector in his tune “30,000 Feet”. It came up the night I visited him in the hospital; I mentioned a part of the lyric to one of Hunk’s nieces; it just fit. It’s a conversation on a plane between an older man and his younger seat mate. Here’s the chorus:

“I’ve been better, I’ve been worse
I have loved a pretty girl
I’ve seen a couple places that I never thought I’d see
I’ve walked in to harder times
I’ve walked out the other side
It seems like you end up getting what you need
Looking down from 30,000 feet
Life’s been good to me”

H. O. Hunk Walker lived well on this side.
He loved his pretty girl.
He saw incredible things.
God was certainly gracious to him.
God was good to me and my pretty girl for putting him in our lives.

Word for the Year

A spiritual formation bit of guidance I’ve taken seriously this year for the first time is from John Eldredge and the folks at Ransomed Heart: at the beginning of a new year, ask Jesus for a “word for the year”. It could be a single word or phrase or concept.
It may be directional. It may be prepatory.
It may even be a warning.
Either way, it’s meant to focus your attention and orient your heart, mind and even your praying toward what God is doing in, to, for and by you.

Over the Christmas/New Year’s holiday break 2017 I felt really pressed on by the thought of “Stillness in my (God’s) presence”.
It’s no top secret deal.
It’s definitely directive.
It is prepatory.
Though, there was no implied “or else”, it is a warning too.

There are endless different ways that thought could play itself out. Yet the very first thought over the holiday break was my need and willingness to take a weekday off from the work chase, trusting God will provide. As a commission based sales rep, every day matters. Sell or don’t eat—it is that real. The whole “burnin’ daylight” motivator, to get up before the sun and work until after it goes down, drove me for years. And, if I’m being honest with myself now, it’ll probably drive me on another day in the not too distant future. I regularly live like I HAVE to produce at all costs. Writing this now, it’s sad-funny that it really sounds like a faith deficit more than a stillness need.

So, the random day off has now happened more than a few times. But then a not-so-un-expected promotion arrived this past summer. A clearly-seen-retirement in the company ranks finally happened and I was positioned to lead the next chapter. But here’s the twist: there is a need to handle administrative details and work-from-home a bit more each week. Already the Mrs and I have laid out parameters and definitions for what a day like that requires of both of us. And in this new season I’m rediscovering 2 things: the stillness of early mornings and even the absolutely restorative properties of sleep—good, quantifiable sleep.

I’m finding myself increasingly more willing to lay down my “get-it-all-done-right-now” badge....but then that “one-more-thing” arrives, or the text chirps, or the recollection of a necessary detail dawns after all the devices are turned off, or...well, I’ll just say the pull of DO is always present.

But in seeking that stillness and clinging to it, when it is clearly in front of me, have led to things like...playing in the band at church a bit more. Wonderfully, in that constant metronomic click of a Sunday set list, there’s stillness. I’ve also discovered the stilling and restorative properties of Pandora (and that streaming service reminded me how incredible Michael Hedges was; look him up and you’ll get it). Almost nightly either the slow jazz instrumental channel or the Hedges channel filter through the house from the main television. And subtly the air around the main corridor of our house is soothed. At least I am.

And in those moments...a day at home, a night of getting extra sleep, a Sunday of playing at church, listening to soothing music throughout the day...in those moments, a deeper breath of stillness and soothing and calm have the opportunity to seep in.

Let me be Still today.
Come quickly, Lord.
Let me be Still.

Legacy

Legacy.
History, backstory, staying power, present relevancy.
Legacy lessons from the Newsboys, U2 and Stryper.

I’ve been mulling on this lately, partly due to my work, as I’ve stepped into a broader role where Legacies are made and/or forgotten. But simultaneous to this change in title and responsibility, I've managed to catch 3 concerts in one month. That’s not the norm! I’m usually good for 1-2 concert events per year and here I’ve managed 3 in about 28 days. And all 3 were legacy bands, definitely worth the ticket prices.

In early May I took the whole family to the Newsboys United tour stop north of Dallas. This was the show where I had my first, unexpected dawning of this Legacy concept. If you’re unfamiliar with the Newsboys, STOP, open your YouTube or steaming service of choice and cue up 1) “We Believe” (present relevancy) 2) “Entertaining Angels” (staying power) and 3) “Shine” (history) and then just for kicks and giggles listen to 4) “Breakfast in Hell” (backstory).

The Newsboys are a straight up, unapologetic Christian pop/rock band. Their melodies are easily sing-able and their lyrics are unmistakeable. My oldest, J, is an Uber-Fan, proof being, I think there are 5 tour t-shirts (in various states of decay) currently in his closet, our garage or the washing machine. There have been multiple line up changes in the Newsboys which led to this “United” tour, bringing back former band members to play alongside the current line up. It’s a brilliant touring angle and it was a barnstorming show, playing their best known tunes and having 5,000 people singing along with nearly every tune. They touched on the history of their 30 year career while exemplifying the staying power and relevancy with their current singles.

Concert event #2 was a happy work-schedule coincidence. Due to the work promotion, I needed to be at our Midwest weekend training conference in Nebraska on relatively short notice. Since Dallas wasn’t on the current tour schedule, I had been mulling making the 5 hour trek to Tulsa to catch U2. What night were the Irish lads playing Omaha? Yes sir, the night I finished teaching at the Nebraska conference at 3pm. So, a few clicks here and there and the ticket was purchased, flight schedule was adjusted, the hotel and car booked and an expectational breeze fanned the sail of the soul. The Centurylink Center in Omaha is a great venue. Easy in, easy out. I managed a decent upper level seat, middle of the arena, so the staging and screen were perfectly seen.

Legacy was on full display as Bono started the show solo singing a ballad-esque tune from the new record “Love is All We Have Left” and after the other 3 arrived on stage, we heard early hits like “I Will Follow”, “Sunday Bloody Sunday” and “Pride”. Any fan knows there have been defining seasons in the now (incredible) 40 year career of these rockers; they brilliantly tied it all together with a ZooTV throwback segment, their willingness to do the tune “Staring At the Sun” from their not-so-famous record “Pop” and their willingness to leave OUT their signature song “Where the Streets Have No Name”.

History...a more complete view...inclusion of the somewhat obscure...a purposeful dis-reliance on what always works....Legacy in its fullest view.

Then concert event numero Tres was catching the Yellow and Black Attack of Stryper in Dallas as they’re back in full tour mode. This Legacy idea was evident as 3 of the founding members were on tour with the newest member, bass player Perry Richardson (of Firehouse fame), who seemed like he’d been with Stryper all along. They played all the hits, 4 of the newest tunes, tossed in a 1984 throwback “Loud n Clear” and encored with “To Hell With The Devil”.

These guys have been through worldwide fame, multi-platinum success, record company woes, personal bankruptcies, and they are now on their 3rd bass player. Yet they know who they are and they rocked about 1,200 folks who sang along with every word. Their Legacy is intact.

I caught a quote the other day from a guy named Morgan Snyder: “Live in the Day, measure in the Decade.”

Yes.
Sound advice.
Go to work, relying on what you’ve learned, but not resting on it.
Live now and Produce today.
Legacy can be viewed later.

Three necessary-for-my-soul concert events-tying in history, recalling the victories, dusting off the not-so-famous moments, mixing in a new brother, calling back in for a minute the brothers that have moved on, not shying away from what got them here, purposely not resting on their laurels, producing quality work today yet gleefully embracing the early work...Legacy is made that way. I’m gonna keep these three shows’ worth of 

photos handy on my phone as the reminder of How to Build a Legacy.